Julius Caesar Promised to Crucify the Pirates. They Laughed.

The Wrong

While crossing the Aegean, the young Julius Caesar — not yet the dictator of Rome, merely an ambitious nobleman — was captured by Cilician pirates. They demanded a ransom of twenty talents of silver. Caesar reportedly laughed in their faces and told them they clearly had no idea who they had captured: he was worth at least fifty. He insisted they raise their own price.

The Reckoning

For the thirty-eight days it took his people to gather the silver, Caesar behaved less like a prisoner and more like a difficult houseguest. He joined the pirates' games, ordered them to be quiet when he wanted to sleep, and read them his poems and speeches — calling them illiterate savages to their faces when they failed to applaud. He told them, repeatedly and cheerfully, that once released he would return, capture them all, and crucify them. The pirates found this hilarious. They had grown rather fond of the strange young man.

The Aftermath

The ransom was paid and Caesar was freed at Miletus. He immediately raised a small fleet at his own expense, sailed straight back to the pirates' anchorage — they were still there, dividing the silver — and captured nearly all of them along with the ransom. He took them to Pergamon and asked the regional governor to execute them. When the governor dithered, eyeing the silver, Caesar took matters into his own hands and had every pirate crucified, exactly as promised. In a final flicker of the affection he claimed to feel, he had their throats cut first, sparing them the days of agony crucifixion normally meant.